It’s heart-wrenching to see your little one burst into tears the moment you step out of the room. Many parents wonder if they’re doing something wrong, but rest assured, separation anxiety is one of the most common developmental phases babies go through.
Far from being a problem, it’s actually a sign of healthy emotional growth. Your baby is learning that you are a special and irreplaceable person in their world and they don’t yet know how to manage the feelings that come when you’re apart.
This guide will walk you through what separation anxiety is, why it happens, when it may signal something more serious, and gentle strategies to help both you and your baby cope with this stage.
What Is Separation Anxiety and Why It Happens
Separation anxiety is a normal stage of baby development milestones. It happens when your little one cries, clings, or becomes distressed when you step away. While it can feel overwhelming, this stage is actually a healthy sign that your baby has formed a secure bond with you.
Most babies begin showing signs of separation anxiety around 6 to 12 months, when they start developing object permanence—the understanding that people and things still exist even when they can’t see them. At this stage, your absence feels uncertain, and they rely on your presence for safety and comfort.
You may notice separation anxiety in your baby through behaviours such as:
- Crying or fussing when you leave the room
- Clinging more than usual, especially in new settings
- Trouble sleeping without you nearby
- Hesitation or fear around strangers
- Difficulty separating at drop-offs (e.g., daycare or with caregivers)
Separation anxiety gradually eases around the age of 3 years as children gain more confidence and understand that separations are temporary.
When Is Separation Anxiety Considered Abnormal?
Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up, but it may be a concern if it continues beyond age 3 or disrupts daily life, such as your child refusing to go to or stay at preschool. In these cases, it could point to separation anxiety disorder—a level of distress that’s no longer age-appropriate and may affect your child’s emotional and social development.
It’s expected for children to feel unsettled in new situations, like starting school for the first time. They may cry, cling, or resist being apart from you. Typically, this eases within a few days as they adjust. If the anxiety persists for weeks and continues to cause major distress, it may signal something more than typical separation anxiety.
If your child is over 3 and struggling with intense or ongoing fears about separation, consider speaking with your paediatrician or a healthcare professional. Sharing what you’ve observed, including your child’s words or behaviours, can help the doctor assess the situation and recommend the right support if needed.
How to Support Your Baby Through Separation Anxiety
Helping your little one through separation anxiety takes patience, consistency, and love. Here are some gentle strategies you can adopt:
1. Create Predictable Routines
Babies thrive on familiarity. Routines around nap, bedtime, and feeding help them feel secure. Anchoring the day with a consistent newborn feeding schedule can also make separations easier to manage.
2. Practice Short Separations
Start small with quick, predictable goodbyes—like stepping into another room or leaving for a few minutes. Always say goodbye, even if it feels hard, as slipping away quietly can heighten anxiety.
3. Offer Comfort Objects
Introduce a soft blanket, cuddly toy, or even a shirt with your scent. These transitional objects provide reassurance when you’re not immediately nearby.
4. Stay Calm and Consistent
Babies often mirror their parents’ emotions. Calm, confident goodbyes and reliable returns build trust. Keep departures brief yet affectionate, and always come back as promised.
5. Lean Into Connection Moments
When spending time together, focus on bonding through cuddles, eye contact, and feeding. For a breastfeeding baby, nursing is a powerful way to reconnect emotionally. Gentle touches, as well as hearing your voice, also remind them of your steady presence.
How Breastfeeding Affects Separation Anxiety
For a breastfeeding baby, the closeness of feeding can make separation anxiety feel even stronger. Nursing isn’t just about nourishment—it’s about comfort and emotional security for your baby.
Here are some ways to ease transitions:
- Offer expressed milk when apart, so your baby still feels comforted by your care
- Create a simple goodbye ritual after feeding, such as a cuddle and song
- Gradually introduce bottle-feeding (if desired) to help your baby adapt to being soothed by others
These small adjustments can help balance the bond you’ve built through breastfeeding while giving your baby confidence in new situations.
When to Talk to a Specialist for Separation Anxiety
It’s always okay to ask for support. Consider reaching out if:
- Your baby’s anxiety consistently disrupts feeding, sleep, or overall development
- You feel overwhelmed or uncertain about how to respond
A trained healthcare professional, such as a lactation consultant in Singapore or paediatrician, can provide tailored strategies for your family’s needs.
If separation anxiety is interfering with your daily routine, seeking professional guidance can provide the confidence and reassurance you need to support both yourself and your baby.
Final Thoughts: Confidence Grows with Every Goodbye
Separation anxiety is a normal part of development, and each goodbye your baby navigates builds resilience over time. With patience, comfort, and consistency, your little one will learn to feel secure even when you’re apart.
At Flegen, we’re here to walk that journey with you. From experienced and dedicated lactation consultations to personalised newborn feeding support, our services are designed to ease the challenges of parenthood. Parents can also explore our infant care course and classes to learn how to massage an infant, which provide practical tools to nurture your baby’s growth and emotional wellbeing. With gentle, evidence-based care, Flegen helps both you and your baby thrive with confidence.